Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Topic of pure evil

Today I shall be talking about truly evil beings… WOMEN Cute lil girls

*Gets bitten by Cat, Boxed by bony arms and the “scream of make you wanna scratch your bones out ” +9 by Gina OMG IT GLOWS…

I’M SORRY!!!!! I’ll never call you WOMEN AGAIN!!! *History repeats… Sprawls on the ground while my girlfriend violates my sisters. She’s been dying to do that for quite some time now XD EXPOSED!!!

I can seriously picture it and its bringing shivers down my spine… Which will be missing if I continue this blog =O but for the sake of mankind… I shall not be spineless and continue!! … The irony… and lameness… I know…

What spurred me to write this… 9am to 5pm of studying and I’m feeling kinda suicidal + the fact that I’m feeling kinda brainless which helps me write lame shit * the fact that I haven’t written anything = THE SUICIDAL BLOG

Now to get back on track… I’ve had a lot of experience in women… OMG KEITH o_O I SEE THAT FRIGGIN SMILE DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SEX TO YOU!! As I was saying before I was brutally interrupted, I’ve had a lot of experiences with so many weird women I decided to write one about all these weird women in my life.

Woman number 1: JEANIE

I will take special care to ensure that she will be the only woman in this blog with her name in CAPS WHY? THE SAME REASON SHE’S NUMBER 1!! For 1 obvious reason… She’s MY SISTER~~ or brother… I can never tell with that phantom dick she keeps talking about. Yes my friends, her balls shrink with us when she sees

She’s even more manly than me though she still looks like a girl *Thank the gods above I remembered!!* and PLEASE… I’m not feminine… At least when its not by HER standards -.-“ Hulk Hogan is even more feminine than her cos of his man titties

Woman number 2: Jesslyn

Just some random dumb chick who was my best friend Keith’s girlfriend and decided one day to suddenly tell me how much she liked me… Stupid bitch. Told Keith and it was end of story with her. How stupid was she to not know that I’m going after the same man as her tsk… err shit... I’m NOT FEMININE!!! ARGHHH!!! *Dances naked under the moonlight* Is now a good time to use the word… Manhandle?

Woman number 3: Gina

All I wanna say is… How can someone who grew up so wrong turn out to be a better person… Though besides her moral character and wisdom… She’s just twisted in every other way. I can’t remember how many hamsters she killed man… I think it was 7?

1: Hammered to death with a pencil box in 1 BLOW RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FRIGGIN EYES

2: Frozen to death in fridge (Yummy food…)

3: Drowned to death in basin

4: Pregnant hamster stuck in the shoe cabinet… to rot… I’m not even counting the babies

5, 6 & 7: Bit their heads off 1 by 1 and swapped their heads then placed them in our left shoes… No I’m joking I just couldn’t remember what she did to them but wouldn’t it be cool if she really did this XD

p.s. she was around 5 yrs old. Evil starts young. Hey Gina I found your baby pic

Did I mention my elder sis JEANIE grabbed our cat by the tail and slammed it in the wall over and over and over and over JUST LIKE AN ENERGIZER BUNNY! Energizer bunny = sister…

Then my dad also had this twisted practical joke on a hamster… He would open the cage and once it stuck its head out he would slam it down on it… He did it too hard once and its eyeball popped out. The FRIGGIN HAMSTER ATE IT!! *Twitches* We really had to let it go… That was a 10 on my freaky animal scale

I feel like Buddha in a family like this… oh wait… the iguanas… sorry but this isn’t an R21 blog so I can’t really talk about.. OMFG KEITH STOP SMILING!

Woman number 4: y-e

I’m getting tired so I’m gonna make this brief… She was with my other best friend Paul for 2 yrs, I had to fucking counsel her while he's not around for 2 fuckin years. Then wants to cheat on him so he broke up with her. 1 year later, she’s with another guy, Mr B. But she likes this other guy Mr C. and she’s still in love with PAUL!! This is so damn weird and twisted huh? Head swirling? That’s not the best part… Paul comes back to Singapore and she asks ALL 3 OF THEM OUT AT THE SAME TIME. She’d win 1st place in the weird women category if not for the phantom dick… Close one. How awkward would it be man... She can kiss her boyfriend, hold the hand of the guy she likes and XOXXOOXOOOXX with Paul.

Twisted shit…

Woman number 5: CAT~

Yeah she’s definitely getting a place in here for 1 simple reason. She’s my girlfriend. Case closed. Could talk about her lesbian tendencies for my sisters but… this is not an R21 blog… Keith is crying now I gotta go console him.

There's actually a lot more to talk about but I'm tired... so if any girl feels she’s been neglected in this blog please feel free to bite me.

Note: I WILL refer to you as a woman if you do want a place in this blog. =)

This sentence was my death warrant. I wonder how many noticed I put them as woman.

Sign: Alvin

Send Help...

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Suicidal indians, Goldilocks urban version and amazing me XD

I am blessed to have 3 very interesting events happen to me today. That is what prompted me to write about an interesting event a day cos I seem to be able to find interesting things everyday but I forget about them haha I suck...

Lets start with number 1~~

Indian protestor sets himself on fire because of a government move to reserve more places in top universities for lower-caste students.

It was a huge fire for awhile especially around the chest area and then the flames suddenly stopped and onlookers looked in awe as they were amazed by how much better he looked.

Seeing this, another man burnt himself in front of the police station but didn't (manage to)suffer burns for reasons we all know but are unwillingly to say due to the psychological impact it will cause on the victim.

and now for the part which brings in the massive twist.
The one that (managed to) catch fire wasn't a student. (Yes, I'm serious)
The other was a post graduate medical student.

They are seemingly unrelated to the government move to reserve more places in top universities for lower-caste students. Hence it is strongly suspected from the forces beyond (ME) that the first suicide was an accident due to him being highly flammable and the other ensued due to the obvious aesthetic improvements but his medical knowledge obviously didn't help him in knowing that he required certain "pre-requisites"


Now for number 2.

It is with great pleasure that I announce that Goldilocks has reincarnated as a 28-year-old man and is currently residing in Austria... IN PRISON.

Reason: Very obvious... Breaking and entry, eating other people's porridge and sleeping in their beds after that.

Details: "Goldilocks" was caught after falling asleep in the king sized bed of one of his victims (That was after he tried the bed of the kids and the wife which could be seen from the vomit and pee marks)

An empty bottle of "porridge" vodka was found beside him when he was caught.

Mr Sobor (He wanted to be sober but couldn't due to his avid support for AA *Alcoholics Anonymous* and therefore sobor) Otherwise known as "Papa bear" was quoted saying "I walked into the bedroom and found a strange man, fully clothed, snoring away on my bed."

We could sense intense disappointment as he said "fully clothed" and therefore have taken it upon ourselves to send him photos of "Goldilocks" in prison with his extremely friendly inmates.
p.s. We now have money for that billiard table, Sam.


Now for number 3. (I should change amazing me to amazing us in the title but... oh well XD ego boost for me)

I have scored my first A+ ever in NUS for the past 3 years. I would like to thank Jialiang, Huiling, Sherrine, ChengHung and last but not least, our fearsome leader, Chee Wei who perhaps, fears me now because I kept haggling with him for more marketing budget... Big thanks to all those involved in this project, hope it'll become a marketable successful product in future X)

With that I have more or less secured my place in a 2nd class honors. 1 woot for me =)
Now all I gotta do is prevent myself from getting any C's ><